now i know why giving up is better.
because the pain is just unbearable.
took a nap and woke up.
reality hits me again.
harder than the last time.

i m lying to myself all these while.
false hopes are my painkillers.
now that i stop using them,
it hurts like crazy.

now i see why u asked me to give up.
cuz its better for me.
not giving up is hurting like mad,
i m breaking apart.

stubbornness will onli cause more pain.
now i understand.
yet some part of me still hope for something to happen.
miracles. They never occur.

i dont like to quit like this but i do not have a choice.
we were not planned for each other.
it hurts more with each growing second.
its killing me inside.

Losen my grip and say good bye.

Read more...

woke up quite early this morning.
for a moment i forget about everything that occured last night.
sat on the bed for a couple of mins and everything came rushing back.
it just hit me with a bang.

i m kinda blur now.
i mean like in a daze i suppose.
cant think properly and do things properly.
kinda numb from the pain

if u can let me choose again
i would rather not know anything
the feeling i had before ytd night was so sweet.. haha..
i m such a fool.

Read more...

i m feeling damn tired.
its way past my usual bedtime.
but i just do not wanna go to sleep.

just wanna stay up.. once i go to sleep and wake up tml.. everything will come back to hit me like a bomb.
unbearable.

imagine a sniper on a field mission to kill.
he ran into an obstacle right at the very begining and decides to turn back.
he is definitely going to fail.
i would have crossed that obstacle.. dig my trench.. camoflauge myself well.. stay alert and get ready for the shot.
at least there is still a chance to kill. right?

i got shot everytime, before i can complete my mission and i survived every injury.
what makes this different?
shoot me if u want!
i m going to survive!

saw this on the mrt screen today.. i think its pretty cool..
its smt like..
A B C of success..
Ability.. Breaks and Courage.

i do not know abt ability but i do have courage.. some rash and dumb courage.. nevertheless it is courage.
and breaks.. god give me some breaks.

hm.. i was asking a faithful christian bunkmate about why some good ppl runs into obstacle so often when they are not sinful.
Shouldnt nice people be rewarded with less and easier obstacles in their journey of life?
so he said smt like.. god throw obstacles to us to make us grow everytime we over come it.
and i think its pretty true and logical.

frankly part of me know it is impossible. yet another part of me said impossible = i m p o s s i b l e= I M Possible.

Read more...

it has been quite a long time ever since i felt this.
i think i do not have much options left..
hang on!
give up!
i die either way i go.. serious.

its like being pursued by some wild beast to the edge of the cliff.
Its either i jump.
or i fight the beast.
i die either way.
great.

even mentioning that name is a pain now.
it used to be so nice, so sweet.
it used to be a painkiller.

everytime when training gets tough and i feel like breaking..
thinking of that name seem ease my pains..
burdens seems to cease..

but now.. its killing me.

everynight i cant sleep without looking at that pic..
now i just become some thing that tortures my soul.
every memory haunts me.

i hope the worst doesnt happen..
however i got a bad feeling abt this.

Read more...

I got killed even before moving forward.
i wont say it is right straight through the heart but its close enough to inflict good damages.
i din expect it to be so fast so hard so strong so cruel so brutal.
its just a couple of moves on the chessboard and someone just checked mate me.
dead.. i m dead.
how is it possible.. someone checkmate me even before the real game begins.

some sniper shot me even before i come out of the cover.
how is it possible?

i m not happy with the way i die.
but wad can i do?

i m already bleeding like crazy.. and left here to die.
like omfg.

i was so looking forward to everything..
i was naively believing that everything will be fine.. will be good..
i m too naive.

still can remember what it felt not too long ago.
i was damn freaking happy.
and thought everything will remain like dat.
i m sorry i m wrong.
things never remains the same.

the stupidest thing is i nv nv nv nv nv at all expect it.
wad a surprise.. it hit me too hard.
now i m wondering how am i suppose to go back in there and concentrate on my training for the next few months.

its torturing me.
its killing me.

Read more...

Hotels in Italy

Italy is a beautiful country located on the Itilian pennisula in southern Europe. It is extremely rich in history and is a favourite tourist destination.



If you are a tourist traveling to Italy and looking for hotels in italy try finding them in CheaperThanHotel.Co.Uk.



You will be able to find cheap accomodations to luxury restorts in Italy. Last Minute and year round discount prices with free inclusions often included. Rates in Italy are usually lower than the direct rates of hotels. Anything from from 5 star luxury to hostels and small hotels.



Rome is Italy's capital and Rome has several festivals and special occasions that are commemorated annually. They celebrate festivals such as Estate Romana Festival, Noantri Festival and Capodanno Festival. Rome:the eternal city: Drenched in history and weighted with monuments famous the world over - the Vatican and the Colosseum, Rome stands as the epitome of history and culture.transport:getting there and getting awayLeonardo da Vinci (Fiumicino) airport is 16 miles southwest of the city with the Stazione Termini direct train running hourly into the city. The main bus station is located outside the Stazione Termini. The Rome Metro service has two lines, both of which go through Termini. It runs from 5:30 a.m to 11.30 p.m. and 0:30 on Saturdays.climate. The climate is mild with sunny skies and pleasant temperatures. However July and August can be oppressively hot, November is often rainy, and December to February can be chill.

Hotels in Rome: from 1 star hotel like Monaco Hotel Rome located in the city center starting at EUR $87 to luxury 5 Star hotel like Eden Hotel Rome which is also located in the city center.



Check out Hotels in Milan. Milan celebrates the spiritual as well as the worldly.*The first ten days of June celebrate the Festa del Naviglio, a potpourri of parades, music and various performances.*The Milan Jazz Festival gets the city swinging in November.*The Festa di Sant’Ambrogio, on 7 December is celebrated with services, offerings and fairs around the Fiera di Milano. This is also the day that Milan’s renowned opera house La Scala opens its season.

Check out hotels in venice too!

Read more...

i just came back.
haha.. should be released on Friday la.. but i got confined with those who failed IPPT.
lol.. i got confined for the most innocent reason.

alright.. it isnt so bad la.. staying one extra night.
got used to the life there.. i dun even mind staying there and not coming home for the next 4 months.. serious.

nothing much to talk about actually..

Read more...

I will be leaving home in 1 hr plus, back to my home at Home Team Academy.
Well they say going to NS is like going for a vacation.
but it appears that going home from camp is the vacation. going back to camp is like going home.
well.. its 6 32pm now.. exactly 5 days (120 hours) before my next book out.. haha.
i m starting to countdown already..lol..

this time i won be bored at night.
bringing along my diary there.. haha.. haven written it in some time cuz the book ran out of pages and i din bother to replace it. finally got myself another book.. so.. i shall start recording my life again.

ok i haven talk much abt my make money online thing right?
yea.. its going alright.
not much time to maintain it.. but i m still maintaining it now.
made like USD$5+ during the 10 days i m away.. and another $7.50 pending.. so it isnt so bad la.. haha.

hm.. what am i going to do on next weekend?

Read more...

oh yea.. i just changed the template for some reason..lol.. so the blog is abit weird now.. i dun have the 'links' or the 'about me' section still figuring out how to put it in.. haha.

Read more...

Manfrotto Tripods

Looking for tripod stands for your cameras and camcorders? Then perhaps you should try out manfrotto tripods. www.wize.com is selling manfrotto tripods at low and reasonable prices. You will get to read honest users comments on each tripod and user's rating so as to aid you in buying your new tripod.

You can also filter tripods by their price ($400, $300..), type (monopod, tripod), head type (panhead..), maximum height (52.4 inch, 63.4 inch..) and maximum load (5.5 lbs, 7.7 lbs..) There is also a 'compare' feature which allows users to compare specifications and prices of different tripods. This makes selection of manfrotto tripods easier for all users!

WizeRank is generated from consumers' and experts' reviews on products. Each tripod have a WizeRank after reviewed by consumers and experts. This aid consumers in selection of their new tripod much easier. So grab your manfrotto tripods now!

Read more...

went out today.. wahaha muhahaha yehahaha!
like finally going out with people.
o and i went out with pris.

Ate dinner and it was weird.
first time eating with a female who sits opposite of me in a non-fast food restaurant.
and pris also first time i think..lol.

ok then went to watch movie.
we picked horror movie la.. thai horror: Body 19.
must watch.. i like the twist at the end.. good movie.

my first time watching horror in theaters. quite funny leh.. when pris got scared.. she was like complaining the screen too big.. and stuff.. haha.. from horror movie to comedy sia.

alright..


if u r wondering how i look.. here it is.. me with the cap on..




yea this is pris and I. me and my new hair style..lol! dun laff.

went to do pull ups downstairs just now.
i m seriously lousy.
did 11 during NAPFA.
7 before Enlistment.
4-5 during enlistment.
i need 6 to pass.. so just now while practicing i squeezed 6 out.. like finally.
its so difficult to squeeze just 1 more out sia.. hope i pass.

o.. this morning went to polyclinic to check up and they refer me to hospital for specialist check up.. 23 jan 3.20pm.. so i will probably miss part of the training. abit lazy to book out and book in again sia.

Read more...

11 days 10 nights in home team academy.
it is sweet, bitter, sour and salty.
not bad.. life of a police is indeed interesting.

so basically life is about physical training, drills, and studying law.
yes.. police needs to know about crimial law and we need to take exams.

so life is like in school?
we have classrooms and LTs that we study in.. they are airconditioned.. =D
we got PT just like PE but without games and tougher.
we got IPPT just like NAPFA.. fail liao must kena confined.

i m looking forward to learning T-baton and police defense tactics.. sounds interesting.. haha..
alright.. i cant say anymore.. lol..

life is not bad la.. good food.. good sleep.. funny bunkmates.

sometimes i do feel bored inside la.. i m abit introverted in camp.. and i think too much of the outside world. i was feeling quite emo esp during the second week.. during free time from like 7-10.30.. so wad i did was to grab a few bunkmates and go down and run ard the whole academy till i m too exhausted to think.

alright .. the end!

Read more...

okokok.. i m going in sooonnn!!!
nothing to be excited abt.
all of u guys will be going in too.. sooner or later.. haha.

its just 10 days la.. no freaking big deal.
shall blog on 18th jan 2330.. so watch out for me!!

Read more...

hm.. i have been reading on um.. common medical problems like.. hypertension, stroke, migraine, vascular headache what else.. eye disorder.. um.. cant rmb and i think i m going to like die or smt.

it sounds dumb but listen.. healthy blood pressure is uh.. 120/80 i m 130+/80 this is bad..lol. Higher blood pressure indicates chances of being hypertensive (is there such term? lol)

next.. everyone knows i have bad condition of migraine. Migraine with aura => stroke.
hypertension =>stroke.
numbness => stroke.

wa thanks man! i probably going to be half paralysed next time um.. most probably the left side. lol.

ok no joking matter all of u out there better take proper care of your bodies.

cant they change the 'o' in stroke to 'i'? then become 'strike' it sounds so much nicer.. strike! oh yea.. i going to SICC to bowl later.

Read more...

ok how am i going to get home from choa chu kang (my home for the next few months)?
Freak.. i live in the North East side.. and the camp is in the west.
how convinent.
If i were to take mrt.. need to take bus to CCK mrt station.. take to Jurong East change to green line take to outram park change to purple line take to sengkang and change to LRT. kaoz..

If onli i live in yew tee like ljh, zinc, jason, xina or live in admirity like dom, in khatib like jm or jh.. sianz..

my dad will probably insist on fetching me everytime i book out. good.. cuz i dun need to travel like siao.. bad cuz i dun like to rely too much on people. i wanna go home myself..lol.

ok lets pray that they send me to sengkang polic post after my BMT.. woohooo.. its just 10mins lrt/walk away. or even better build a police post downstaris.. 10 secs lift ride. fat hope.. -.-''

ok i just found a shorter route home after looking at the map for half an hour.
take bus from camp to cck mrt.. take mrt to either woodlands, admirity, khatib,yishn and take 965 back.

OR.. take mrt to AMK or YCK and take 86 home. wow.. bus 86.. makes me think of AJC.
i kinda miss that place..

i miss..
going to school in the morning
bombing in school
assembly
singing the athemn
ponning lectures
sleeping in tutorials
PE
basketball
captain's ball with the class
running on the track
playing basketball in school uniform
getting caught by arthur lim
untidy shirt
getting caught by tutors
lunch
walking around the school
listening to hock's rubbish during gp
groaning abt extended chem lessons
praying that chem lesson ends quickly
looking at the clock for time to pass
waiting for the last bell to ring
taking bus home from school
and repeat the routine again.

i dont mind going to school another 2 yrs if there are no test and no exams. homework is alright cuz i nv finish them b4. AH! i have the sudden urge to put on my school uniform tml morning and go to school. i wonder if this year's J1 orientation is better than our batch's.

crap! i miss school. i bet school is better than NS.

Read more...

Freaking funny video about americans being dumb.

ok if you dunno abt qn who is fidel castro.. ans: he is the president of cuba.
Currency in UK ans: Pound.. not queen elizabeth's money or american money.

and i believe when they are looking at the map right.. the map isnt a correct map. As in the names of the countries are printed on the wrong location and they did not notice it.

Read more...

Read more...

i went to the doctor to ask abt the ear..lol and he is quite suprise that i know the term 'pulsatile tennitus'.

anyways.. ytd night when i searched "make money writing online" my article in Associated content was ranked 1st in google..lol. you may think its nothing.. but it is a big deal cuz being 1st = more traffic = $$.

but this morning i am not even i top 10..lol.. guess they must have found out i spammed too many keywords. Nevertheless it was some sort of achievement.. i guess.. haha.

Read more...

i m back from the Genting trip.. so here are the updates.

Day 1:
Suppose to fetch tys and sp at 6am and 6.05 am respectively but the tys at 6am just wake up onli -.-''
bus left at around 730am from golden mile complex. first half of the journey was boring. like really boring.. until we started playing 'Mafia'. Interesting game, played like siao during the trip.

Reached the place at around 230pm.. thats like 7 hours of bus ride. The ride was bad when the bus is ascending the moutain. The bus driver no license de.. drive like some noob.. everyone giddy..lol.

Took our rooms.. and then not satisfied with it.. so changed room.
my room number: 3938.. shared with LJH and HK. Then the other 7 ppl took an adjourning room beside ours.

Went to the indoor theme park after lunch..we sat the ferris wheel and some i dunno wad ride is that la.. everytime i sit with ting hock kiat..lol.. damn gay.. imgaine 2 guys in a small ferris wheel cabin?!?!?!!!

Watched Alien Vs Predator the 1.15am show..lol.. reached the hotel at 3.30 and collaspe like a log.

Day 2:
woke up at 8.30am.. we onli had 5 breakfast vouchers so the 5 girls went for the free breakfast while hock brought us to the staff canteen for breakfast. lol.. we are probably the few tourist who eat at staff canteen. Good and cheap.. recommended.. better than the foodcourt there.

Went snow city.. it was really freezing.. haha.. it was fun while it lasted.

After that we went to the OUTDOOR THEME PARK! eh.. actually i wasnt too enthu abt going to outdoor theme parks. Call me a coward.. i dun like to sit the rides. Cuz i have motion sickness la.. kinda bad sometimes. ask my cousin wad happen when we last went to escape themepark. i vomited while on the ride. how great. wasnt planning to go to the outdoor themepark.. but all the rest going so.. aiya.. just go lor..lol..

i went to almost all the rides in the end.lol.. i think i m pro man. The first one was some ride that goes in circle and i tot i will just die after that but nothing happen..like not even dizzy.. pretty suprised.

yea.. some 360 deg rollercoaster.. Go karting.. blah blah.. everything thrilling except SpaceShot.. the one that drops u down from like 10 stories high. It was closed by the time we decided to play..so.. too bad..lol. good fun.

went to the arcade also. lousy arcade.

Nice dinner at a restaurant.. good food and went back to gamble. i lost 9.50 dollars..-.-'' like super suay. not even once a blackjack..lol. see ah.. so my first 2 cards are like 2 and 10.. so confirm have to draw right.. so i draw.. then kena 10. wa.. fantastic. kena 1-9 also nvm.. why kena 10..lol.

Then went to watch movie at 1.15am again.. this time we watched National Treasure 2.. like alot ppl fall asleep. i knocked out for like 20 secs then suddenly wake up and realised i missed some content. nice movie.

Day 3:
yea day 3 is also today (4thjan2008).. had a good breakfast at restaurant.. 30 bucks for nice food not bad. then we played 'mafia' till almost late for the bus. haha. yea. everyone was like asleep during the trip. the LJH is trying to promote his jap songs to me.. making me listen to his mp3..lol.. damn funny.

finaly we reached golden mile at ard 9 15pm.. and say goodbye to everyone.

It was fun and fun only.. haha. I wonder when can the class or at least part of the class gather again.

sianz.. i m going to NS in 3 days. And i will be away for like 10 days.. haha.. save me!!

Read more...

i have been hearing thumping sounds in my left ear.. so decided to find out what it is.. so..

In pulsatile tinnitus, people hear something resembling their heartbeat in their ear.

Pulsatile tinnitus is usually due to a small blood vessel that is coupled by fluid to your ear drum. It is usually nothing serious and also untreatable. Nevertheless, rarely pulsatile tinnitus can be caused by more serious problems -- aneurysms, increased pressure in the head (hydrocephalus), and hardening of the arteries. A vascular tumor such as a "glomus" may fill the middle ear, or a vein similar to a varicose vein may make enough noise to be heard.

There are some very large blood vessels -- the carotid artery and the jugular vein -- that are very close to the inner ear (see diagram above). Noise in those blood vessels can be conducted into the inner ear. Accordingly, other possibilities for vascular tinnitus include dehiscence (missing bone) of the jugular bulb -- an area in the skull which contains the jugular vein, and an aberrantly located carotid artery. An enlarged jugular bulb on the involved side is common in persons with venous type pulsatile tinnitus.

Anything that increases blood flow or turbulence such as hyperthyroidism, low blood viscosity (e.g. anemia), or tortuous blood vessels may cause pulsatile tinnitus.

so i guess it is pulsatile tinnitus. irritating sound.

Read more...

Our new year gathering at esplanade!
pris and i

dom and i

jh and i

ok more pic to come when i m back from the genting trip.
tml 645 bus.. but i m not sleeping any early.. cuz can sleep during the journey.
and oh shit i told hock that will smith died in i m legend forgetting that he have not watched it yet.. sorry..lol.

alright.. this will be like my last outing b4 2 years in 'prison'.. haha!

Read more...

The Forbidden Step

Priceless is an angel's smile.
How can one survive without?
Stars and diamonds fails to buy
only a choosen heart can.

Risk it. Risk it not.
Disasters behold.
Succeed or fail.
Unavoidable losses.

Ice melts under the sun.
A frozen heart cant.
Diamonds in the rocks takes a year to mine.
Diamonds in the eyes takes a lifetime.

Stairs to heaven, a zillion steps.
stairs to the heart stretches forever.
is there still any courage left to take the first step.
The forbidden step.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
no worries i m fine.
i m not emo..lol.
just felt like being Dom for one day..LOL!
yea dom wrote a post that isnt his style. A perfectly normal one which everyone can understand.
so i decide to write smt that isnt my style. some stupid un-understandable thing that i dun even understand it myself.

alright. who knows the meaning? one word to describe all. not L O V E..haha!

Read more...

oh my..
another bad dream.
this time i broke the law and authorities were chasing me.
great.
in 7 days time i will be part of the authority.

i believe i have watched too many horror movies.
3 consective bad dreams because of 3 consective horror movies.

30 days of night
i m legend
days of darkness.

ok days of darnkess is some crap zombie flick, with some gory scenes and lack of plot. Just merely trying to cover their lack of plot with some gruesome scenes.

i m legend is legend. must watch.

30 daysofnight is not bad too but legend is nicer.

Read more...

happy new year everyone!

went countdown at esplanade with the gang. Ate jap crusine, and burn a hole in my wallet. Then went to our old work place, swissotel to take a look. Same old swissotel feeling. It was the "be serious and quit fooling around" feeling. Sat there and chatted before moving to esplanade.

It was super crowded. Suppose to be ard 15k ppl turning up i guess. even an ant can walk faster than me. It was worth the wait. Fireworks display never fails to amaze many.

However beautiful things are short lived. It was over even before we can truly embrace its beauti. So cherish it while there is a chance to.

Then we walk back. even a snail can crawl faster than i walk. Everyone was squeezing everyone. Suffocating. Finally we made it back to cityhall mrt.. crowded. Like the whole AJC population has just squeezed onto the platform.

made it back home finally and my easy link card cant work. cuz at city hall they allowed us to get in without tapping. Then i was stucked at my LRT station. Had to contact the counter thru the intercom.

yea then the guy was quite helpful and polite. finally got out of the place. Had a nice shower and came to type this post.

Tomorrow i will be gone and onli be back on the 4th. Genting trip great start to a great year ahead.. hopefully a good year.

Read more...