went to bowl today.
174.0
and jel, i din do anything stupid.. amazed right?
ya.. i m so sian today.
its like everthing sucks ok.

actually i typed a whole essay of how i felt and what happened. but i decided not to say it out here. because its stupid. because it wont change anything. i dont think i can sleep well tonight.

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rmb i told you that i dreamt abt this girl a number of times?
first in a chinese restaurant
second in the mrt
third was outside a ballroom
forth in a car

and ytd night or rather early this morning i dreamt of her again.
the past 4 dreams were either neutral or happy.
this one is a nightmare.

the dream was pretty messy, and i cant rmb much after waking up.
in this dream i obviously have a liking for this girl.
then its smt like i found out she is crazily in love with this other guy..
so in the dream i was like heart broken..
something like dat..hm..

dumb dream.
but it was a nightmare though.

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Dom and prissy were occupied today.
so jh and i went to watch movie.
you dont mess with the zohan.
alright.. funny.. not bad.. but some may not like the weird sense of humour.. haha.

I always feel abit sad after going out.
Like after going town or after bowling alone..
its like abit painful.
you can feel it inside ur chest.. and it radiates outwards till the tip of my left figers.
and the reason is stupid.. i think.

because i m nothing

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I did the same thing as ytd!
gosh!
Abit boring.
but afew incidents happened out there.
interesting.. ah.. but its confidential..lol.

i dun mind doing this operation till i ORD..lol.
too lazy to go back for the 2 mths plus training again.
super sian.
i will start complaining everyday starting from today.
so bear with it.. haha.

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today i din even step out of the station except for going home.
was in placed in the command post, replying to radio messages..lol.
interesting.. but i hope to experience operations room some day.. thats like a super bz but cool place.

so i was saying this the whole day.."roger.. blah blah..over"

i may even say it while asleep later.. haha!

i m going back to camp for 2 months plus of training soon.
sheezzz!!
hate staying inside.
give me free food, water, lodging plus 400+ dollars a month i also not interested in losing my freedom.

freedom is like priceless.

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jh i know u r not feeling too good.
well.. i wish i can help you, but i cant really help you deal with ur school work.. HAHA! well.. i guess u need to relax at some point of time.

hm.. dom is in army, i wonder how is he doing.

pris is enjoying her holiday in australia.

me?
i m still the same.

o.. i think i shd stop giving so called 'advices' or 'preach' some stuff to people if they din ask for it.
cuz its kinda irritating i think. sorry.

unreciprocated

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went bowling then went to the barber.
It has been more than half a year since i last got a proper hair cut.
The last time i cut my hair outside of camp was just b4 A levels.
Wow.. that was quite sometime back. Then for the past 5 mths i got my hair cut from the barber in camp. So today is kinda like a significant day? LOL!

then i went to borrow a couple of books.
some books that will probably take me 10 years to finish.
its not very thick.. but its in chinese.
i have some problem with traditional chinese characters.

feel abit sian to go to work tml leh..
just hope i dun kena some weird place can liao.

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ytd night i was on duty at this country club.
i tot its some pretty cool and luxurious club but its not up to my expectation la.
Just some bars, ktv, a small pool, jacuzzi, gym.. no bowling alley or golf course.
well.. plus got a few restaurants and steamboat.
can consider to go there eat next time, its quite near my place sia.

anyways.. i was feeling bored so i decided to do patrols around the whole country club instead of sitting down. So i walked the whole area at least 10 times. exploring different places of the club.

Some places are quite dark la.. i m not afraid of any weird supernatural things you know.. just scared some stupid ppl jump out and wack me from no where.

I was kinda scaring myself the whole night. like i jumped when i hear some noise..lol.. when i see a dustbin at a corner and i tot its someone..

then they had this arcade game machine at the lobby. Just this one only. All the others are at the game room la. And its "house of the dead" so the music it played will be quite freaky right. At first i din know there was this machine there so i happily walk into the lobby then suddenly the freaky music started playing, i got a shock sia. Like i m in some horror zombie movie or smt.. LOL! And i walked past the lobby at least a dozen times.. now the music is kinda stucked in my head. I can hear it even after i reach home.. LOL!

ok.. then in the morning while i was walking along this wooden platform i step on something. Its quite soft and spongey. I tot wad so i turned behind to see what i step on.

A DEAD RAT!

It should have been dead for quite sometime because there are like thousand of ants on it. wow man.. how frequent do you get to accidentally step on a dead rat in the middle of nowhere. Like once in a life time. Anyways i kinda squashed it.. luckily no juice came out of it.

The hardest thing to touch in this world is the heart.

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I came across this today, think its quite meaningful. First time typing chinese..lOL!
人生最可怜的就是， 我们总是梦想着天边的一座奇秒的玫瑰花园，而不去欣赏开在我们窗口的玫瑰。

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Just came back from work.
Its super tiring today, i dont know why.
Its nice to talk to seniors, cuz they can teach you lots of things.

There were 4 dogs at my work place.
1 father, 1 mother and 2 puppies.
The puppies were very cute and playful.. haha.
Its like a happy family.. how nice.

vitamin overdose..lol.. i took 3000mg of vitamin c today.
nothing to do.. so just chew on vitamin c tablets.. haha!

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Finished watching my drama in 2 days.
Thats 20 plus hours of show in 48 hours.
achievement right.. haha.

Not bad la.
Was pretty sad when the series ended.
thats another thing i dun like about dramas.
watch till got feeling liao.. then must say good bye.

and wow.. i always feel like tearing during the drama.
like when that guy found his mom.. i think it was quite touching.

I think the sweet part was really nice too.. waa! Mainly between xu le and neng xian.
i m glad the ending is nice.. everyone found the person they love.
happy ending!!!

sadly, happy ending is not the word for this chapter of my life.

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I thinnk Kung Fu panda was hilarious.
thanks jel for going with me.. haha.
dunno how she can stand me sia.. i was quite noisy the whole time there.

din do much today.
sometimes i dun like to watch drama is because there will be one part where everyone screws up everything in the show and i will be like " AHHHHH!!! NOOO!!! NOOOOO!!! WHYY!!! WHYY??!!!!"

Then get abit agitated and sad.

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i was feeling pretty lousy at the start of the night shift ytd night.
but once you concentrate on work.. you just forget everything.
How great.

by the way i started watching a new drama.
Taiwan drama somemore.. its rare of me to watch drama.. somemore taiwan drama.
I think i enjoy it.. maybe because i was bored to death so i was kinda 'forced' into watching dramas.

sleeping time!

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Damn bored today.
bored to death.
maybe i shd go out and do something retardedly insane again to make life more interesting.. haha!!

i was so bored so i went to marsh and asked her why is she so happy everyday.
The answer is obvious but still.. i went to ask this retarded qn.

Thats me.. always asking qns that i already know the answer.

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we are both crazy then.. haha!

time passes pretty fast today.
guess because i am enjoying what i do.
mainly cuz i have a nice partner.
if partners cant chit chat well.. everything will be damn boring.

Lets talk about measuring success of one's life.
How do we measure success of one's life?
I guess most people gauage by wealth or achievements.

So i came across this story told by a sensei about how he measure success in life.
years ago, he had a friend and they were into gangs and fights.. one time they got into a fight and his friend got killed by a gun shot. A funeral took place. Only few people turned up. And these people were cursing him at his grave, saying how bad a life he had lived.

Then there was this old man in church who always sneak up and smack the sensei at the back of his head. The sensei hated him so much and wished that he is dead. Apart from that he is a nice old man.

One day the old man passed away. He went to his funeral too. It was such a huge funeral. Hundreds of people turned up. They were weeping and mourning for the death of such a kind old man. At his grave, people were saying all the good things about him. How good a life he led.

So.. the sensei realised that measurement of success in life is not by wealth or achievement. It is how many people will turn up at ur funeral and say good things about you when you passed on and how many will say bad things about you.

The old man apparently has been successful in his life and his friend was not.

i found this story quite meaningful.

based on this story, i guess mr kelvin tan led a successful life too. Look at all the good things people say about him when they send him off.

But if only everyone had showed appreciation while he was still alive.. i guess it would have been much better. Many times we only learn to appreciate when we lose something or someone.. however it may be too late then. So dont make this same mistake twice. Tell people how much you appreciate them and cherish your loved ones while you still have a chance =)

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I think i m insane.
did lots of retarded things lately.
i like the feeling of being nervous.. mind blank.. excited.. and responding in the calmest way possible.. trying hard to mask that nervousness.
that explains the retardedly insane stuff i have been doing.

So i went bowling today.
Instead of what ever i planned in mind yesterday.
well..
not a bad day i would say.
exciting.
told jel abt it.. i guess she must be thinking.. "edwin is crazy"
anyways.. just i started bowling.. only in my second frame.. my wrist guard screw fall off and it was lost in the alley. second time it has fallen off.

I cont bowling.. cuz still can support my wrist till game 3.. i decided to get it fixed.
asked the pro shop guy if he has any screw.. he doesnt.
so i went to the hardware store outside and ask the guy if he got screws.
so he found one.. it was too long.. so he cut it.. and tried to repair my wrist guard.
it was damn hard cuz its super difficult to put the screw in.
u will know when u see how the guard is.
anyways it took him like 15 mins to repair it.
he was like.. phew.. done!

so i was like.. hm.. how much for the screw and service. damn hard to put it inside sia. wa.. later too expensive how?

then he said to his casher.."hey collect 10 cents from this guy.. i sold him a screw."
waa! 10 cents onli sia.. for 15 mins of total frustration. The last time i tried to insert the screw myself i took 20 mins.

bowled 177.6 av today.
you know.. i got 7 consective strikes after the my wirst guard spoil. Shd let it remain spoil so i can bowl better.. LOL!

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you know what?
i feel damn sad.

feel like some freaking failure.

whats the point of asking when you already know the answer?
i think i will go bowling instead.
at least the lanes will not say no to me.

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went to the church with xs, pris and jh.
i got a shock when i look through the glass panels of the coffin.
inside lie a man that i could hardly recognise.

lips so pale.
sunken cheeks.
and looks like 50 instead of 36.

my very first reaction was actually fear.
i mean.. its not a everyday thing that u see a man lying in a coffin.

then we went to walk around and ran into ht, xy and j.
talked for a couple of mins.
i think its tragic.
i haven meet up with all these ppl ever since graduation from zhss.
and now.. 2.5 years later we get to see each other but in this sad occasion.

sad stuff aside..

i know i was complaining the whole afternoon that i missed it.
i missed it.
gosh!
i think the 3 girls have enough of wad i was complaining..lol

i missed a nice opportunity.
the opportunity just came out from no where.
as if god created it for me.
but then at that very instance i was too confused with my thought.
nervous i think..lol.
and i din grab hold of it.
so it slipped away.

if only i had walked up and open my mouth.
instead of smile and walk away.
i guess things could have alot of difference.

i missed too many opportunities already.
not going to let the next one slip by.

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If you google blog search the name "kelvin tan" it will give you at least 100 relevant results.

Mr kelvin Tan was my sec 3/4 history and social studies teacher. I remembered that we used to complain that his lessons were boring. Most of his lessons were spend on watching documentry about the past. Nazi, WW1, WW2, ect ect..

i still can remember quite clearly when one of our classmates told him that he is handsome his reply was .. "tell me something i don't know".
I bet everyone can remember this. We laughed like crazy over that line.. haha!!

He was a nice man. Forever trying so hard to teach us and make sure we understand. If we don't he will explain stuff over and over again till you understand. Very friendly guy with a huge smile.. haha.

but its sad that he have to leave us so soon. Liver problems. He postpone treatment because of his students and it cost him his life.

R.I.P Mr Kelvin Tan

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There are so many nice movies screening now but noone to watch with me.. AHHH!!!

someone is actually browsing through my archive and reading the past entries.
wad sia?
trying to read 700 pieces of nonsense?
haha!

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I just realised the last entry was my 700th entry.
Congrats to those who have been reading from the very first entry till now.
You have just read 700 entries of nonsense.. HAHA!
701 if u include this one..haha.

stayed at home for the whole day.
woke up this morning with a freaking bad dream.
its like one of the worst thing that can happen to me.
i dream that i was on duty.. and i lost all my equipments.
Like all!!

We have 10 items on our belts.
and i lost everything.
losing 1 is already super x 1 million billion trillion zillion bad already.
imagine losing 10!
That inculdes my bullets and gun.. i was like omfg!! what to do now?!?!?!!

I actually have a phobia of losing my equipments from the start.
so everytime b4 i move off to a new place.. i would do a quick check to make sure nothing is missing. Who knows.. the item may just fall out or smt.

And i woke up this morning feeling super tired.
dunno why.. its like i haven sleep enough.
back aching and all.. so i went back to sleep.. LOL!

Been staring at the comp for the whole day.
zz.. shd do something more productive.

yesterday was friday 13th.. it wasnt bad at all.

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We make them cry who care for us
We cry for those who never care for us
And we care for those who will never cry for us

How true..

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Night shift was quite cool.
had a nice partner and nice location.

Dom enlist today.
Can understand how he feel.
Probably not 100% understand cuz firstly he is stranded on an island, i m not and secondly he is attached and i m not.

I rmb when i was enlisted 5 mths back.. the feeling really sucked.
I spend the last day of freedom in the bowling alley.
The feeling was like.. gosh.. there goes my 2 years.
Those who din go thru will never understand how sad it was.

Then the first 10 days confinement wasnt the nicest days i had.
The instructors were so tough on us because we were new.
But thinking back.. it wasnt so bad after all.
Its like a sense of achievement.. "i made it through!"
infact, i miss my basic training days.

During the confinement period.. though i was training on mainland singapore, i din actually get to see whats outside the fences. So basically after like 3-4 days i tot i was away in some other country. Completely disconnected from the real civilisation. Until one day.. while jogging we passed by one of the fences.. look out and saw cars and expressway.. It was like something so new to me.

"WOW CARS!"
"ROADS!"
"TREES!"
"NORMAL HUMAN BEINGS!"
"FREEDOM!"

everytime i jogged past the fences, it gives me a feeling of hope.
freedom is just a fence away.
But the fence is like infinitely long and high.
no way u can climb out.

thats all for NS life.

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haven been blogging much cuz nothing much to say.
have been resting for the past 4 days..lol.. going back to work tml night.
Night shift!

I think the new intake of police trainees just enlisted.
aw man.. din get a chance to see them enlist.
Its quite fun to see the blur blur faces when they are enlisted.
I bet my seniors enjoyed seeing my blur face as well when i enlisted 5 months back.

and wow.. 5 months have passed and i still haven finish my training.
I guess its only going to end in mid october?
That will be when i get my driving license! woohoO!
but no car..lol.

oh ya.. why so many girls like to venture into selling stuff online?
i noticed it la.. hm..
mainly sell clothes sometimes accessories..
hm.. issit some lucrative business or what?
and they only sell female stuff sia.. i guess its easier to make money selling clothes to female than male.

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I got transfered from bedok to ang mo kio.
I guess its closer to seng kang.

new working environment.. must adapt again.
so troublesome!

blah.. dunno what to say.

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Nice gang outing.
quite some time ever since i crapped so much.. haha.

i have been staring at the screen for 10 mins after writing the last sentence.
dunno what to say.

Its a sad situation.

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what a nice sunday!

just came back.. ahh.. going to sleep soon.
was at this post with my partner for 7 hrs.
we kept watch and talk cock for 7 hrs.

He got lots of things to share, more experience in life la.. 30 plus years old liao.. haha.. talk frm NS to malaysia to the fuel hike in malaysia to gfs to work to school to childhood to global warming to "hey when is our breakfast coming?" to "eh when are they going to pick us up."

thats alot of things.

i found the shift ytd quite enjoyable.

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i got this weird dream last night.
It was me and a girl we were quite happy tgt.. something like the begining part of 'sky of love'.
cant rmb much of the dream but it was nice.
as for the girl.. i cant see her face actually, i know she is there.. but just no face.. i tink u know what i mean.
But she is definitely not the one i have been dreaming of for 3 times.

too engross in the movie la.. even in my sleep also dream abt it.. haha.

its june already.
cant wait to work in npc.
that is where the real action is.

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BORING!

just staring at the screen and thinking of what to do next.
um.. watch bowling videos.
um.. watch a couple of movies.
um.. read some articles.
um.. played chess.
um.. read blogs.
um.. blog.

day shift tml.
think i will be staring at the sea again.
hope its not too warm.
ok better rain tml!!

obviously uninterested.
all i can say is good things only happen in dreams.

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sky of love is a freaking beautiful but sad romantic movie.
Gosh!
The starting was so sweet la.. and the ending was so sad.
sad to the max.
like the saddest movie i have ever watched.
almost cried sia.
and its suppose to be a true story.

watch it at crunchyroll.

i m so sad till got no mood to do anything.
thats how sad the movie is.

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i realise if i m at home i will be posting about 2-3 entries per day.
wow.. edwin enjoys talking crap.
and u guys out there are reading nonsense stuff.. HAHA!

the person at the opposite block stopped playing his/her loud music already.
must be someone complain la.
hm.. free the whole of tml.
so just stay at home and do my stuff.

or is anyone free to go out? lol.

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some guy or girl across my block is being emo.
i have been hearing "..its too late to apologise.. its too lateee!!.." for the 1 hour. Its a not bad song by timbaland ft. one republic.
at first i tot its karaokae.. then after listening for 1 hr i realise it cant be. Must be radio. dun tell me the person singing non-stop for 1 hr plus.. siao ah.. haha..

sheesh.. trying to make me emo also issit?
lol!

stop & stare by one republic is like my ultimate fav song.
love the lyrics and melody.

"stop and stare, i think i m moving but i go no where.."
nice.. haha..

thanks to the person across the block now i become emo..
LOL!
ok back to watching my show.
nah not drama.. i cant watch drama.. watching movieeee!

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aiya.. went bowling and i suck.
average 164.. i really wanted to kill myself.. ahhh!!
it was quite frustrating cuz what ever i do it just go wrong.
no matter how good that shot was suppose to be the pins were just too stubborn to fall.

No matter how hard i tried, it just doesnt go right. It just wasnt meant to be..
if its not ur day, its not ur day.
this applies to things like relationships also.
if its not urs, its not urs. Fullstop.
this is sad but its reality so live with it.

had a good night shift ytd.
saw some stuff.. learn some things.
become slightly more knowledgeable.

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Work was alright.
i m patrolling the streets all day long.
more interesting than sitting there staring at the sea.

I would rather live in my dreams because that is the only time i can see you smile at me

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oo.. one thing i forget to mention about.

The Edwin & Jel's Gay Theory.

Why guys turn gay? From jel's blog i m lazy to type..lol..

then he started saying increasingly got a lot of les...
and gays...
then we were saying the girls become les because all guys are shitty...
so they become les...
and there are increasing no. of gays...
coz the girls become les.. so no choice...
they have to become gay...
lol... edwin and jel's gay theory...
credit goes to edwin.. lol
well *shrugs*...
its a vicious cycle.. haha

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Stayed at home the whole day.
Shiokness!

I m planning the gang outing for next week eh.. but haven got any great idea yet.
actually wanted to go cycling, but pris got an issue with bicycles. Apparently she cant cycle without getting bruises. HAHA!

ok so need a alternative plan la.
Its going to be on 8th june.. mid afternoon.. so keep it free please.
and if u r attached pls feel free to bring ur bf/gf along.
but if u r not attached and wanna bring someone along, yea just bring..HAHA!
um.. we cant freaking go to sentosa at such weird time.. haha..
um.. ok.. ran out of ideas.. but dont worry i have 14 hrs to think abt it tml.

spend all of my time today making blog templates.
They are actually quite bad looking.
i m not using photoshop.. cuz dun have it la..
using the trial beta version of microsoft expression design.
suppose to be something like photoshop i think..
well i suck at it la..
the full tutorial is so super long probably take me like 1yr to finish reading..
so din read la.. haha!

is this how it feels to miss someone?

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NUS is freaking irritating.
Abt 2 days back they send this ultra long email promoting their biz school.
why choose nus biz sch?
blah blah..
din bother to read.

Then today.. they advertise again.
This super long email on why choose nus biz sch?

I choose them liao still send me all these stuff.
irritating, makes me wanna reject their offer more.
what intense advertising campaign is this.

anyways i went to bowl ytd.
woah.. you wont believe it.
i din believe it as well.
191.25 over 12 games.

first 6 average 174.67
next 6 average 207.83

I was just luckily.. HAHA!
cuz of a high game of 276.
wow man.. i was just 1 strike away from perfect game.
ahh.. damit!
it was like this..
x x x x 6/ x x x x xxx
ok the stupid 6/ was when i realise i got 4 in a row then got nervous.
wasted.
budden, it wasnt the nicest strikes.
abit pai seh.. hit the correct pocket la.. budden the pins din fall nicely.. ahh!
so av over last 81 games is 176.81.
i realise it suck cuz the lanes there are suppose to be easy.. ahhh!!

ok shall not bore u with all the numbers.

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