stupid cough!
next time i will invent a cough syrupt that can cure cough instantly!!

alright, just came back from chalet.
CHALET?
yea.. i mean back from camp.
life is pretty easy there, its like a 5 days 5 night chalet.

9 more weeks and i m out of chalet!

This world is a dark place.
where people smile at you infront and gossip behind your back.

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Going back in.
No sunday blues.
Life inside is easy.
Listen and execute.

I just want my freedom.
10.5 weeks more to p.o.p.
then probably another 10 weeks inside for block 2 training.

Just randomly mentioning.. if u dont like any part of me.
just shoot.
only apply to people i care.
for all whom i dont call buddies.. go away.. haha.

sadness.

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Watched "L change the world" with the gang today.
wow.. cool movie.
L was damn funny.. and quite sad that he have to die in the end.
ok so this is probably the end of all the DeathNote episodes?
or maybe there is more? lol..

Right.. nice talk we had today.
I think such talks are quite important.
cuz it allows us to reflect on ourselves and change wad ever that needs to be changed.

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went bowling in the morning.
wow got 2 schools training there so no space..lol.
so i watched and wait for them to end.
wah.. got this shiok feeling when all 10 pins go down.
its like super shiok sia.. feels probably like high on drugs.

wah.. i tot i can set my high game today lehs.
had 6 consective strikes in the first 6 frames.
but in the end onli got 255 -.-''

x x x x x x 8/ 8/ x x9/

wa.. everyday eating junk food sia.. i m getting fat..lol

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This week isnt so bad.
Time really flies sia.. like bOoM and its friday already.
How fast.
ok my shooting really suck man and i dread live firing.
The gun goes like bAnG!!! and i jump.
kns.. i m even afraid of a balloon poping beside my ear let alone a stupid .38

i think i m crazy.
Cuz just now i went exercising once i got home.
omg i m crazy.
cant help it la.. i feel guilty of not putting in effort when everyone else is trying to get better results.

heard that A lvl on 7 march dunno how true it is..lol..

Her name was suddenly mentioned and everything came back.

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about 120 hours before i can step into my house the next time.
i feel sad about going back..
i know i said this 10 million times already.. but i still feel sad about going back..lol
7pm to 830pm is my most emo time of sunday.. i should be alright after stepping into the place.

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Back from JiaHui's house.
Din plan to stay over night but we ended our blackjack and bridging at 3am.. so.. we stayed at last.
wow man.. i won $10 plus at blackjack and bridge. Slow process cuz the bet is only 50 cents at a time. Quite fun..lol.. ting ah hock won like 20 plus dollars.. haha.

super tiring. haven sleep for 24 hours already. The sp and ys is super powerful sia.. they went to work after leaving jiahui's place. omg sia.. i may just die if i have work.
the sunday blues are coming again.
i m going back in soon.. sian!!!

I keep complaining about having to go through 17 weeks of basic training while army only go through 10. Thats almost double. But our training is relatively easier than army.. of course. we have no field camp, no route marches blah blah. but having to stay 17 weeks makes me sian too..lol.

I get sianner each time i book in.
alright..about 11.5 more weeks to go and i m out.

i was hoping that the results will be out on 22nd feb which is this coming friday so i can book out earlier. Super sian sia.. and i m looking forward to good friday on 21 march cuz we get to book out 1 day earlier too. cool man.. and sadly there are no public holidays on april..zzz.. but luckily there is Labour Day on 1st May! and its passing out on 7th may! yay!!

thats like still so long..zz..

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81 more days to P.O.P!
woohooOo!
Its slightly over middle of this month and i made USD $10 till now.
Hope to hit the USD $20 mark.. haha.

O! Did i mention we went for an excursion to police heritage centre 2 or 3 weeks back?
Interesting stuff there.
And yesterday guess where we went?
Mosque at bishan, Hindu temple and Buddhist temple at chinatown and chruch at cityhall area.
yea man.. we had a racial harmony national education trip!
its like the 4th time i am on such trip..lol.
makes me feel like i m still a student in back in school on an excursion trip.

alright.. i have nothing to do on saturday morning and afternoon.. sian..
but there will be a class dinner in the evening.. yay!

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AH! I m back!
Good week it was.
Time really passes so quickly.
Just last week, time passes so slowly while in camp.
But it flies this week.

After everything.. i learnt some valuable lessons.
We should take everything with an open mind and accept facts.
Dont indulge yourself in sorrow and tears, for it only makes your life more miserable.
Move On!
This is what we all should do.
i have never been so enlightened in my entire life until now.

Now i know why God gave me this obstacle.
It is for me to learn some valuable lessons.

i took my first Individual Physical Proficency Test (IPPT) on monday and passed it.
It was the 4th time for others but the first for me..lol.. i was exempted from the first 3 and i tot i cant pass my first one.
weaker stations are Standing Board Jump and 2.4km.
I cant jump or run for nuts.
221cm and 11:23min onli.. i need to reduce by 2 mins to get Gold la.
ok.. my next target is getting silver la.. so i need 4cm for SBJ and 1 more pull up.. haha..

wah! so nice to be back home!

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Let me read all the messages.
Look at all the pictures.
Think of all the happy times.
One last time before these memories cease to exist.
How painful to say goodbye to all these good memories.

and of course lets not spoil this friendship as well =)

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Sunday blues.
Ever heard of them?
Monday blues are more common.

Soon i will be back inside.
I miss the taste of freedom.
How lonely it is to be kept in a 'prison'.

Nothing to look forward to.
Except for going home and sitting infront of this computer.

and i said i m alright.
blatant lie.
only those who have gone through will know
how it felt to be eaten up from inside alive.

now that i m not thinking straight..
kinda scared that i may do wrong stuff inside..
purely mistakes of course.. not deliberately..

failures?
Been there.. tasted it and came back alive.

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How did those words came out of my mouth?
Regretted alittle right after i said them.
How selfish can i be?
compromising years of friendship just for my own.
Just so that i can get over and be done with.
Move on and dont look back.

And when those words came out of my mouth.
i know i m ready for anything.

and indeed.. 6:13pm i was excuted yet again. while typing this post.
There was no pot of gold, no rainbow nor diamonds right at the start.
ignore my sad words and tears please.
I need no sympathy nor pity.

Though pain will last for awhile its better than lasting forever.

Two less lonely people in this world and one more heartborken idiot.
It does sound sad initially but think of it this way..
its better to have 1 lonely person living than to have 3 lonely souls right?

no need for sorry or sorries..
all i need is a promise ..
to treasure what you have.
cherish and love like you never had.

and so its time to move on into the next chapter of our lives.
I give you my most sincere blessings and best wishes.
May happiness be with you forever.

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Playing around with blog templates.
Like finally i dont have to rely on people to change and edit templates for me.
i can do it myself now.. wahahha!!
This template not bad right?
I like it to be plain and simple =D

I felt so nice when a friend came and ask me if i was alright or not.
cuz i sound super depress in my blog.
Guess who it was?
Jayne!
haha.. never talk to her in quite some time already.
Thanks for your concern!
Tough times dont last, tough man do.
No winter last forever. No spring skip its turn.
It will soon be over and everything will be back to normal.. haha!

counting down to my passing out parade on 7th may. The countdown timer shows 87 days more.. sian.. all those that i went out to during CNY eve is passing out in early march.. and i m passing out only 2 months later.

O.. i realise i m a shy person. ok i know u all are going to be like "huh? Edwin is shy? My foot!"
hey.. lets be serious ok. I m quite a shy person, especially when it comes to talking to females that i dont really know well ok. even on msn! like Oh My God!

Meeting the gang in like 9 hours time. Yea.. its going to be cool.. haven got a gathering in quite some time already.. haha!

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I hardly gamble.
but ytd i was so sian that i played blackjack with 10 other people i hardly know.
and so a profit of $10 at the end.
uh huh.. so what?
what can i do with $10?
anyone wants me to treat them out to dinner next week? haha!

Going back into camp tml.
abit sian, but i have got to do what i got to do.
haha.. 1 month down, 3 more months and i m through.

huh?
why do i feel so numb?
i cant feel a thing now.. good i guess..
i cant feel happiness but its ok, because i wont feel sad as well.

For all of the saddest words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these "it might have been."

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who will be online at such hours. 4.00am.
Just back from visiting.. lol..
had some fun with those cousins of mine.
As usual we play sports, then word games and sit down to chat.
How time passes.. we used to be playing catching but we out grew those.

i m going to be 19 in 2 more months, yet i feel like a 15 yr old.
my thoughts are probably still super immatured.. i guess.
oh gosh.. i m turning 19 soon and i m still not ready to bear responsibilities for myself.

and so they said.. go for it! Go for it! Try or you will regret! Try and there will still be hope!
Hope?
I dunno what it means now.

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:Happy Chinese New Year!
I hear this everywhere i go.
people shaking my hands, giving me red packets asking me to stuff myself with new year goodies.
i just paste one fake smile on my face to hide that sulky look.
Whats so happy abt the new year?

I rmb last cny i was also in some shitty situation. But at least i can communicate with that person and sort stuff out. This time i m also in some shitty but i cant communicate with that person now.. cuz that person dun even know abt anything.
great!

I was quite stubborn like a few weeks back.. refusing to accept the fact.. refusing to believe what is happening. But now i accpeted it graciously and believe it trufully. We cant change wad we see, what we hear and wad is true. And i m begining to convince myself that we are not fated to be.. and trying to accept it graciously. So at least when i die, i die of a less painful death.

Every where i go.. on the tv.. newspaper.. radio.. internet.. they all talk abt VALENTINE'S DAY! VDAY IS COMING. Fuck it la (sry for the vulgarities).. fuck vday la.. i m still in camp and i bet my life they will be dating. I bet my life sia.. now u know how sure i m. fuck sia..

now u see me saying fuck here and there.. actually i m not being pissed or wad.. just trying to imply that " i m so sian abt this".

"but if u don try, you are mising all the chances" from some random conversation..
i always believed in this. Always. Until now.

u made it clear today.. there was no chances to start with.

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i wrote this when i was pretty depressed..
its suppose to have a melody but nvm i cant sing it out..

Cry Inside

Beside me we walked in the rain
you said his name
with that sweet smile.

inside me there was this pain
aching through my heart
breaking me apart.

oh how you said his name
and smile like a little child
oh how be brought that sparkle
into your beautiful eyes
i can only look and cry inside.

Beside me stood an angel
oh how beautiful
if dreams can come true.

Inside me i know that we are
oceans apart
i cant reach you.

and now i look into your beautiful eyes
i can only see him in your eyes
i can only look and cry inside.

basically describing my feelings over this. I dare not sing this song again.. cuz it hurts especially when it comes to the last part.

"valentine's day is coming. For some reason i felt like giving her a pair of tickets and ask her to go to the movies with him" - Tuesday 05 Feb 23:15

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Back from the class cny countdown at chinatown.
wow.. fire crackers were really loud.
the others went for movie while ys and I went home..lol.
tired sia..
tired of everything.

i told a friend abt wad happen recently and she said i m quite suay.
indeed i m quite suay.
where got this type of thing will happen de.
so many times some more.
piangs..

what a way to start my lunar new year.

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freedom never tasted so sweet.
wow its like 4 days of holiday.. omg!

Have been ill since 2 weeks ago.
coughing like crazy.
everyone is ill actually, there is some virus spreading around.

I constantly thanks god that they put me in the police force, cuz life is definitely much easier in police than in army.

yea.. i m going to bowl later!
wow it has been 1 month since i bowled la.
must be super rusty liao.

i guess i feel abit better now.. cuz i m sick and weak till i can hardly think when i m in camp.
feel rather heaty in my body.. like i m going to get a fever or smt.

beside me stood an angel, oh how beautiful if dreams can come true

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for some reason it gets more painful with each passing second.
i thought i had it under control.
i was wrong.

i cant remember when was the last time i cried.
it feels good to tear again.
who says a guy cannot cry.
i teared my sorrows out, but they came back to haunt me after awhile.

i have so much to say yet no words can express how i feel.
nothing i do can be seen by you.
nothing i say can be heard by you.
i m just invisible to you.

it just became unbearable.
someone ease my pain.
please.

"oh how you said his name and smile like a little child.
oh how he brought that sparkle into your beautiful eyes.
i can only look and cry inside" - Cry Inside

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"And now, i look into your beautiful eyes.
I can only see him in your eyes.
I can only look and cry inside." - Cry Inside

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now that i sit here and think of everything.
the more i think the more painful it is.
i just cant escape from reality.
its just a matter of time when there are 2 less lonely people on the world and 1 more heartbroken guy.

when i turn around and look,
your shadow is all that is left.
soon it will be gone too,
and memories is all that i have.

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we got lost at sentosa..lol.. its seriously very dumb.
then went back to vivo.
ate and watched Sweeny Todd.
Initially i thought it was a screwed up movie because of all the singing.. but i got used to it after that and it was pretty nice actually.
M18.. and pris was pretty happy when they requested to check her I/C cuz it means she still look young..lol.
Sweeny Todd.. good movie.. but not everyone will like the singing parts but go watch if u can.

o yea.. my mom told me my face look slimmer and i din believe until i see my own pic. its like omg.. so ugly.

* * * * * *

One man's joy is another man's sorrow.
How true.

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Don ask why onli got 2 ppl in all the pics. cuz there are onli 2 ppl there..lol.

Us on the monorail to sentosa.

Us at one of the beaches.

On the bridge.

Top of the tower. Nice breeze and view.

At some sentosa resort..lol. and we got lost all the way after that.

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i just took my cough syrupt, my flu tablet, my phlagm tablet and my antibiotics. And now i just feel like sleeping..lol.. how am i suppose to go out later?

have been coughing like siao for 1 week plus.. everyone there is actually sick or injured in one way or another. Cough being the most common illness. I have not take junk food in like so many days and not planing to take any.. or else all the exercise will be wasted.. haha.

damit i m still so flabby sia..

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My income for jan 2008.. USD $ 20.79.
$19 came from writing advertorials and $1.79 came from adsense.
Hm.. good progress i think.

"Late at night at times like this it hurts the most. I cant sleep till she reply.." -Tuesday 29th Jan 2998 22:51 @ HTA on my bed.

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one just cant escape from reality.
i thought 5 days away was an escape.
and i thought once i am out this nightmare will be over.
sadly i am wrong.
it haunts me everywhere i go.

"My Passing Out Parade is on 7th May. I hope she will be here to see me in my blue uniform. She will be here not just as a friend but as someone special. However such possibilities are diminishing with each passing second" - Thursday 30th January 2008 22:34 @ HTA on my bed.

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