a smile on my face.
heard my laughter,
how happy i am.

why is there a mask?
one that i put on.
to hide it from u perhaps,
that i m still very sad.

evertime i m alone,
those words came back to haunt me.
everytime when i see you,
the pain comes back again.

i have chosen not to forget,
chosen to love still.
a love tat cannot be expressed,
a love that is contained within me.

how i want to tell u the words again,
yet i cant say them.
how i wish we can be more than just friends,
yet nothing will ever change.

i can only dream, hope and wish,
but nothing is going to change.

Read more...

SP, after u told me what happen last time. I felt so damn cheated for u sia. I was so disgusted by that person la. ERPS.

Ok.. talk abt school.
Nth much to say. Chem and Econs lect were boring. SIAN! Then OP was ok. Today stayed till 8pm in school. For some reasons, raeger and I stayed back to watch SP's group do the OP. LOL.. so funny.. i think i was so distracting la. Its always either Marsh or SP clicking the slides.. so me.. being nottie, sat by the laptop then talked to them while they clicked. Then everytime forget to click.. or overshot.. haha!! Then kena scolded..lol :P

Anyway marsh.. told u liao right.. ur answers all the textbook style de..lol. But they are good and i appreciate them :D:D

I stayed late in school today cos i need company. If i go home.. i will be all alone. It is unbearable... i will start to think of all the stuff. well.. now i m at home.. alone, without their company... ah..

Read more...

spent the whole afternoon outside. Needed some fresh air.
Wandered around with the MP3 blasting in my ears. Then this random Jay Chou song started playing.

軌跡 Gui Ji Track
Other Translations: none


曲: 周杰倫
Qu: Zhou Jie Lun
Music: Jay Chou

詞：黃俊郎
Ci: Huang Jun Lang
Lyrics: Huang Jun Lang

Translation: wackycashew – www.jay-chou.net

Verse 1

怎麼隱藏 我的悲傷
zen me yin cang wo de bei shang
How to hide my sadness

失去妳的地方
shi qu ni de di fang
The place where I lost you

妳的髮香 散的匆忙
ni de fa xiang san de cong mang
The fragrance of your hair scatters hastily

我已經跟不上
wo yi jing gen bu shang
I already cannot catch up

Verse 2

閉上眼睛 還能看見
bi shang yan jing hai neng kan jian
With my eys closed, I can still see

妳離去的痕跡
ni li qu de hen ji
The traces of your departure

在月光下一直找尋
zai yue guang xia yi zhi zhao xun
I keep searching under the moonlight

那想念的身影
na xiang nian de shen ying
For that silhouette that I’m thinking of

*如果說分手 是苦痛的起點
ru guo shuo fen shou shi ku tong de qi dian
If breaking up can be said to be the starting point of pain

那在終點之前 我願意再愛一遍
na zai zhong dian zhi qian wo yuan yi zai ai yi bian
Then before the final destination point, I’m willing to love once again

想要對妳說的 不敢說的愛
xiang yao dui ni shuo de bu gan shuo de ai
I want to tell you, the love that I dare not express

會不會有人 可以明白
hui bu hui you ren ke yi ming bai
Will anyone be able to understand

Chorus

我會發著呆 然後忘記妳
wo hui fa zhe dai ran hou wang ji ni
I will be staring off into space, then I will forget you

接著緊緊閉上眼
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan
And then tightly close my eyes

想著那一天 會有人代替
xiang zhe na yi tian hui you ren dai ti
Thinking about that day, when there will be someone who’ll take your place

讓我不再想念妳
rang wo bu zai xiang nian ni
So that I will not think about you anymore

我會發著呆 然後微微笑
wo hui fa zhe dai ran hou wei wei xiao
I will be staring off into space, then I will break into a smile

接著緊緊閉上眼
jie zhe jin jin bi shang yan
And then tightly close my eyes

又想了一遍 妳溫柔的臉
you xiang le yi bian ni wen rou de lian
Thinking once again, your tender face

在我忘記之前
zai wo wang ji zhi qian
Before I forget

Repeat Verse 2, *, first part of Chorus, whole Chorus

心裡的眼淚 模糊了視線
xin li de yan lei mo hu le shi xian
The tears in my heart, have blurred my vision

妳已快看不見
ni yi kuai kan bu jian
You almost can’t see it anymore


A great lyric indeed...
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

how did the writer got to know how i felt?

Read more...

Waiting for you

the pain in my heart will never go away
the tears in my eyes will never dry up
i remembered the day that u said good bye
and walked away.

baby
please dont go
stay with me till we grow old
baby
dont leave me alone
i will wait for you to come home

till the river runs dry as the years pass by
i will always be loving you.
till the world stops turning and the sun stops shinning,
i will always be waiting.

till the ocean runs dry as the years pass by,
i will always be loving you.
till the world stops turning and the stars shinning
i will still be waiting.

till the world stops turning,
and the stars stop shinning,
i will still be waiting.


guess which idiot composer wrote that? Ya.. its me. Edwin la. How does it sound huh? composed that like 1 week ago, decided to put it up now. Ya.. dun laff i know it sucks. I m noob.. wad to do?
Eh.. copyrighted horr. Erps.. i doub anyone wanna steal shitty music. I shd be happy that ppl wanna steal my lyrics.

As for the music score.. still haven finish writing the full thing out. But have the melody in my head already.

Hm.. wondered how i manage to write this out. It took me less that 20 mins to get the lyrics and melody done. Ya.. and it was 12 30am when i started to hum it to myself. amazing huh?

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I looked around me and realised that many ppl are facing the same problem or similar in nature. JH, XS.. and many more. oh well.. u know, i m love to be a listener. Anything that is bothering u.. ya.. come to me. I m always open.

I rmb thanking jason for talking to me on that NE DAY, and he said, last time there was ppl there for him, its time to pass it on.

Ya.. pass it on. U all were there for me, so its time to pass this deed on to those who need it.

Read more...

i m sorry for being ununderstanding just now. I accept all ur reasons.

Dun have to feel bad.. its perfectly alright to do this.

I know i stand 0 chance in the near or far future. Still i always believe in hanging on. Hanging on till my heart is being shattered into dust, then will i finally let go.

I dunno how long will it take for me to let go. Not too long, hopefully.
Yet one part of me says,' u got to hang on forever, or else....'

I will see how things work out.. leave everything to fate now.

I have been loving you with all my heart. I did regret some small actions.. i was just wanting to make up.. din expect it to turn into a disaster.

Tears well up in my eyes as i type this post. It takes time for me to accept the fact tat i m 'dead'.

I will always rmb the times tat we spend tgt.. nv to forget. I will always rmb ur smile, the playful you, how u dodge everytime i tried to tickle you. I will always rmb our conversations at the premises around ur block. I will always rmb the fragrance that u carry around. I love that alot.. but i love u most.

It is not suprising that the tears came out.
I will always be outside the doors to ur heart, waiting. Till the day u hand me the keys, open and allow me in.

I know it will be quite impossible, because of the reason. But.. i shall hang on for as long as my shattered heart can hold.

I love you.
Jel.

Read more...

i m officially dead.

Hang at midnight. oct 29 2006. Sunday

you all know wad i mean.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
i wonder if i can take it or not.

Or..

am i going to write my own name in death note.

Read more...

only those that went through it will truly understand the pain that i m going through now.
Every morning i wake up, harsh reality strikes me; another day to survive.

when can i get over it.
The fact that i m a 'criminal', my sentence is 'death penalty' and i m now just awaiting to be hung.

Who can save me from this 'death penalty'?
Noone. Not even the judge.

So i m bound to be hang.

When? I dunno. Soon, i guess.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i doubt things can go back to normal even after all the dust settles down.

Read more...

bowling was fun.. haha. it was funny la.. we got 2 coaches to there to guide just the 3 of us. 2 coach to 3 students. Wa.. almost like individual lessons and the best thing is they dun charge. haha. Cos they nth to do la.. so just go around guiding ppl lor.. lol.

Hm.. what to do tml? OP stuff in the morning. Then..? Shit.. gotta find smt to do la. Bowling again? Was thinking of batminton, but whos gonna play with me? I cant play by myself right?eediot. eeediot. (this is daina's style of saying idiot. HAHA!)

you are right. Its coming back again.

Nvm.. faster go sleep. zZz

Read more...

NE Day was boring.

Class outing to watch Death Note and to marina for steam boat rocks!! Hanging out with the class brighten my day. I love 0806!

For all who have not seen Death Note yet, u gotta see it. Greatest movie of the year! Its not scary at all.. dun understand why the Daina who is sitting beside me cover her eyes when see she sees the death god(?).. haha!!

Have been talking to some people in the class today. Wow.. i seem to know more on how u all feel now.

One feels bad and abit confused. Another seem to be quite depressed? 2 others still gets remind of their past and cant forget it. And 1 big idiot still hangs onto diminishing hope.

I have learnt something today. we got to take things lightly or else we will be the one who gets hurt most in the end. I pray that everyone will be fine.

I guess u r right.. the guys in the class are quite chi qing, and the girls.. better not say.lol.
Cant believe that u got worried when i disappeared half way thru.. haha.. that was quite sweet man. i guess i got to know u slightly better after today? Maybe 0.001% better la.. haha.. since u say that u r a difficult person to understand. hehe. I think i found some common points between us.. had a nice time chatting. haha.

I should keep myself super occupied from now, so that i wun be thinking of anything. Going to bowling tml, then shd be doing chinese hw and hang around with the piano. Yeah.. going to spend my day like that. haha!

Read more...

i wanna laugh till i die liao.

Marsh called me "choc di di"
LOL!
This Marshie really does have ways to cheer me up huh?
Next time if u feel sad ah.. just pray that she is on msn.. go chat with her for 10 mins.. then u will be smiling. She so lame la..lol!!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
dont be sad..
smile.
dun cry..
dry ur tears.
i will always be here..
for u.

Read more...

So tired after bowling training today. I have delievered at least 200 shots today. Ya.. imagine doing 3 steps and 4 step drills over and over for 3 hours. How is it? One word "FUN!!" Today me and PR, 2 person to 1 lane.. siao bo.. usually is 3 la.. but today 2 onli.. so the pace was very fast haha!! Bowling is my passion.. i love bowling even though i suck at it.

Bowling can get rid of all my troubles. Cos when one is concentrated on what he is doing.. he forgets about everything else. Then after bowling i will be so tired that i cant think of anything. I love bowling.

I love playing the piano too. But talking abt piano.. today in the hall during break.. i was going to play the piano and some stupid teacher with a bloody black face came to me and stop me from playing saying that i m disturbing the jc2s. U GO JIAT SAI LA! At least can tell me properly right? whats with the buay song face huh?

nvm.. i went to LT4 alone to say hi to the piano there. I know i have said it 2 million times already but playing piano can get my mind off everything. Its like u r floating.. like taking drugs?
weird huh? The power of music.

The bowling coach is so good today. He told me pris and PR.. if u all wanna practice by ur own, can ask me to come, i can give u r coaching. Its free. And he gave us his HP no. wow.. thats wad i call a good coach. Passion to teach is impt. Of course, i will make use of the free coaching la.. haha!!

Alright.. tml NE Day.. erps. waste my time.
Then after that go watch Death Note with the class :D:D

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Hm.. JM's post looks sad too.

Hey JM, looks like we are 2 sad guys huh?

Hm.. wad do 2 sad guys do when they come together huh?

GAY!! ERPS!!

Laming la.. i really dunno wad to do la.. erps.

Read more...

I wonder how are you.
haven hear from u for seen u online for 2 days, i guess i got quite worried.
Yet i din dare to give u a call..

There is bowling tml.. that means i cannot take 86 home.. i m going to miss taking bus 86..

Read more...

Chinese A level is coming, haven start to study yet. Sian..

Was learning Flight of the BumbleBee.. the song was so fast la.. play till my little finger going to drop off liao.

So bored at home. And i feel so sleepy.

Life after exams sucks.

Read more...

Ok i know its still 1/2 hour before 23 oct.. but nvm.

let me wish my good brother DoMmIE a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!

Well.. happy birthday dommie!! u have finally turn 17!!

Thanks for always being there for me man.. i really appreciate it :D

And i wish u all the best with Lin :D

Read more...

I m utterly disappointed.

I only told this to one person in the world.. this may sound minor.. but to me its major. I not talking about music ok.. minor and major. Lame.

Ah.. still have to complete I&R.. i guess i dun have to sleep tonight liao.

Read more...

Why is the Stupid Pig Jie Jie (SP Jie Jie) so SP (Stupid Pig) ? =Pp.. hahaha!!

I will roast alive u if ahem ahem.. ahem. AHEM!!

nvm..

Tml must hand in I&R Draft.. haven started yet. Nvm.. and haven prepare for OP workshop yet. So what the **** am i doing during saturday and sunday? Lets see.. saturday.. went out to do OP stuff then go home play till sleep. Sunday.. went for bowling then play till now.. yucks.. my sucky life.

Ok.. so gotta prepare the I&R later.. or the LWC is going to be so pissed off with me.

Read more...

21st oct ..

is DEEPAVALI!! My PW grp went back to school to pratice OP without realising that the school is closed on a public holiday!! So we ended up practicing OP in AMK Mac. ERPS la.. so dumb.. 4 AJC students wearing school uniforms and going back to school on a public holiday.

Anyway.. saw SP Jie Jie and The Super Jiat Sai Rep and their dance friend there doing some danc proposal. Haha.. and the mac ppl giving out balloons to the kids.. SP Jie Jie being a kid went up to the aunty to get balloons. haha! She got one.. and i get another one form the aunty for her.. so she got 2 balloons now..lol!

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Not in any mood to do anything. OP, I&R, Chinese A levels all coming up. I dun feel motivated to revise or to start doing my I&R.. my heart feels so heavy. I m trapped with all these emotions.. trapped in all these emotions. Passing day after day in a blur, not knowing what am i doing.

I guess i feel better when i m hanging out with people or when i m asleep. But when the night comes and when i m alone.. sadness overwhelmed me.

I love you

Read more...

I m so exhausted. Just wanna collaspe now and sleep forever.
Must be because of school and bowling.. i think..

Bowling is fun.. haha.. just love it so much. Imagine Pris and I ponned econs lecture to go for bowling. Haha.
Bowl till the skin on my middle finger and thumb peel off and become so raw. Ouch!
Maybe i will go bowling tml.. or maybe on sunday.. they are chosing the school team soon.. if i dun get in then can go jiat sai liao.

I still cant forgive myself for bowling a 93 in last month's bowling competition. SIAN!!

Tml must go back to school for my groups mini OP practice. Abit sian.. stupid pw.. no choice still have to do it. Some ppl in the class going to Kbox.. aiya.. not that i dun wanna hang out with u guys.. i love to hang out with u guys.. just that i dun like the place that we are going to hang out at. cos i cant sing..LOL.. u all sure faint when u hear me sing.. the screen will crack ah.. haha!!

Ya.. today celebrate XIna's birthday. LOL.. they bought red gstring with the word "sexy" on it as her bdae present. HAHAHA!! XIna!! Must wear for the class to see hor.. hahaha!!

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I dunno why, but sometimes i just tend to keep some stuff to myself. Its not that i din wanna tell u la.. i just naturally keep it to myself la.. and u r the first one to know wad exactly happen la.. stupid la.. haha.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

till the ocean runs dry, till all the stars disappear from the sky, i will be loving you still.

Read more...

i have no idea how Dom know tat i m dying.

i m so super glad that he asked me how i m. Super glad. Cos i m going crazy and there he is.. appearing when i need someone to talk to. although we din really touch alot of the topic, still he took my mind off all the troubles.. man.. u r my saviour. i really appreciate that, brother.

I know the pain will come back later.. but.. at least i m currently relieved from it.

thanks doMmIE:D

Read more...

now i know how does it feel to suffer alone in silence. It feels terrible. SOmeone save me.. help..

i dun think i will be able to sleep tonight.. i know i m blogging every 15 minutes.. the blog is the only "person" who is free to listen to me now. Pathetic eh? everyone is bz.. with pw.

i feel so terrible.. so terrible..

Read more...