Thanks for tat piece of advice.
But sometimes, following the heart isnt right. I guess i was wrong to say tat it is always right to follow our heart.
I will not follow my heart, not this time.

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Marsh's nick: Nothing happen until u make it happen.
It sort of gave me a sudden gush of inspiration.
Why just sit here and waiting for things to happen? Get up and make things happen!!! Yeah!
Nvm.. i m still not going to do anything.

I have absolutely nothing to do. Sleep till so late, woke up and have lunch. Now i m sitting here, rotting infront of the comp. Wei Xiao Pasta just became more exciting. HAHA!
Hm.. i wonder if we can get the EXPO job or not. If tat guy doesnt call today, then we are jobless..lol. Nvm.. i still have my r3c to go back to.

I m playing yahoo chess now. Yea.. I-Chess my favourite board game. Sian.. its so hard to improve sia.

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Went back to school today to play bball with cherky, pager and hockie. Played with some J2s again, this time they are more skillful. But we still won them at last. Nice game. Played till it rained like crazy then hock and pager went home.

Cherk and I went to reading room to ka jiao marshie who is doing peer tutoring, physic.. haha! She was so super blur la.. and her tutor was a super shy guy..lol! I was doing some card trick with cherk's card when arthur lim came in and slap my head..lol.. no cards allowed in school. haha!

After her peer tutoring, the 3 of us went to eat then me and cherk went back to yishun. I had bowling and he goes home la. his hse in yishun.. haha. We talked alot along the way.. interesting conversation.. i always like to talk abt these stuff.. haha!

Today bowling, it is a self training. So they decided to make it into a competition. We split into 2 teams, the team with the lower average score will have to clean up the bowling store room. Sian.. anyway it was a draw today.

I bowled not bad, 142.25 average today. Ok.. and can u believe it.. its the best in the team if i m not wrong. So our team suck. It was pretty cool, spared a 5-10 and 5-7 split today. Super nice sia.. haha!

oh well.. i decide i shd learn how to play pool properly.. haha! can learn from cherk..lol..
and as for going back to rccc.. Dom told me i can just go back anytime..lol.. cool man.. shd be going back there soon.. yay!

Time to keep myself busy huh? so perhaps i can forget abt everything and everyone.

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Bowling today.
The coach gave us a stack of paper filed nicely in a plastic file.
This is the best bowling reference notes i have seen so far. I have read every single bowling reference book in the CP library. Its better than all the reference books all add up tgt.. haha!
It teaches us how to battle some lane conditions, nutrition for bowlers, how to train a bowler's mental condition, impt details about our stances and release. Sparing systems and adjustments tat we shd make. Blah blah.. wonderful!
And this booklet is only for coach reference..lol!

Ohhh.. today is the release of the PSLE results. I wonder how did my dear campers do.. haha! I know jason got 232.. not bad sey! My grp de ppl so pro.. sure did well de.. haha!

Anyway.. hockie is pestering me for his grp, DITTO's picture. I haven upload into the comp yet la. Cant believe he love his grp so much sia.. haha.

Stay away from me. Shoo!
I dun wanna go thru this shit again.

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Two thing i did today: went to sch for clearing and reflections and went to JM's hse for bridge.
Tats about it.

I have been learning card magic for like a week. I know how to 'read ur mind', pick ur card out from a full deck without looking, and vanish a card infront of u. Magic..
I wish i can make u disappear with a snap of my fingers. So i wun be thinking of so much stuff. Why did you appear at the wrong time? In the wrong situation?
Perhaps the problem lies in me. Make me disappear.. or at least vanish my heart and dun make it reappear. i will be better off that way.. i guess.

i doubt anyone know wad i m talking abt.. nvm..

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SL Camp ended today.
Sad.
Had a great time with my group. I was so touched sia.. cos they played with me today! Wacked my head.. messed my hair.. tickle me like siao! They also gave me sweets!! Wa.. compared to ytd morning, it was quite a major change :D

Great camp indeed. Its funny la.. the p6 kids thought is tat, if a guy hits and talks to a girl, he likes tat girl..lol! So xiao jun started asking how many couples are there in my class. We said one.. xx and J only ma. Then she din believe..lol.. she tot marsh and I also couple.

Then during J and xiao chen's Science Experiment, i was to perform some card tricks la. It was sort of impromptu la.. we only decide to add it in just before the science exp show started. Nervous sia.. but at last xiNA accompained me down to perform one of her trick also.. haha! fun sia.. not as scary as i tot..lol!

I wanna talk about hockie. He is the permanent GF for his grp. And his grp comprise of 4 girls and no guys..lol! And his 4 girls are so quiet de.. haha! They also super shy la.. especially a girl called CQ. She is p5 and so super small size la.. haha! Then when Sp and Javier not around Hockie is like a daddy bringing his 4 daughters around.

He is like a very caring dad actually, but just din know how to express himself properly. He din know how to be more gentle.. like a mother or a girl la. So it sort of scare his 'daughters' lol!! But he is trying very hard la. SP also tried very hard to make them more enthu and i guess her effort paid off. The group was much better in day 2! haha.. its so touching to see that la..lol.

CQ even played a trick on hockie! Hockie stood up from his seat to do smt la.. and CQ placed a pack of twisties on Hockie's seat and hockie sat on it!! LOL!! So cute la.. haha!! And she also gave SP a card and on SP's paper during the reflection time, she wrote only one word, 'caring'. though its just one word, but i was so touched when i saw it.

And my grp rocks too!!! They are super independent. Marsh and I just left them to play their art attack thing and we went back to LT 5 to do stuff also can. Super sia! Its just great la.. totally great!

anyway.. on hockie's piece of paper.. his campers wrote tat he is fierce! lol.. and all the comments abt him are so negative..lol!! But i guess he also treasured the bond.. cos he actually attempted to look for tat slip of paper when he lost it..lol!
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You asked, how long must a guy/girl like u b4 u feel tat he is serious abt it. Tats a common qn i guess.. but i was tongue tied when u asked me. Cant really think of a proper answer actually, cos i din really care abt time tat much. As long as he/she showed u enough care&concer, and u feel with ur heart tat he/she is serious, then he/she is serious. If u feel not then its not. It all comes down to feelings. But time is also a factor too.. it cant be too short of course.. i guess a period of 2 months is reasonable. I hope tat answers ur qn.

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AIR SUPPLY

Here I Am

Here I am playing with those memories again
And just when I thought time had set me free
Those thoughts of you keep taunting me

Holding you, a feeling I never outgrew
Though each and every part of me has tried
Only you can fill that space inside

So theres no sense pretending
My heart its not mending

(chorus)
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just cant go on without you

On my own Ive tried to make the best of it alone
Ive done everything I can to ease the pain
But only you can stop the rain

I just cant live without you
I miss everything about you

(chorus)
Just when I thought I was over you
And just when I thought I could stand on my own
Oh baby those memories come crashing through
And I just cant go on without
Go on without
Its just no good without you

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Carpe Diem Camp!

Our S.L Camp! Wow.. its a 2 day, day camp. reached school at 7 in the morning to get ready all the logistics and for briefing. The kids arrive at 9am, was quite nervous at first, while waiting for them.

So they came in.. ard 25 of them and we split them into groups of 4 or 5. Small groups but fun. Then we, the group facilitators intro ourselves. I m James! U know.. my name is James and thru out the whole day ppl call me James. Then marshie Lam xin yi is known as Jessie! And Joseph is Meowth. Guess wad.. our group name is Team Rocket. The baddies in pokemon series.. haha! So it explains our strange names..lol.

At first, it was abit weird la. They just sat in a circle.. abit dao dao.. sian sian.. then i realised how my OGLs felt when they took us for J1 orientation..lol.

Anyway.. we were able to get them to intro themselves.. and play ice-breaking games. Our grp, Team Rocket have an alliance with Ditto! Tats hockie, Javier and SP's grp.. haha.. and we had a team cheer too.. not bad sia.

It was quite fustrating at first.. cos they quite reluctant to become active and shout cheers.. but after sometime.. things became so good..lol. TR is the best sia.. i think the grp which becomes active fastest la.. haha.. becos we have Marsh as our GF.. she and the p6 kids at same frequency so can communicate well!!

Then after lunch the kids were able to sit down and tell us abt their school, their experiences.. blah blah.. many other stuff. Chatting like friends sia.. not bad. Quite touching actually, cos at first they treat us like strangers and now can talk with liao.. haha!

Tml is the second and last day. Its gonna be really fun!!

Ahem.. i did a card trick today and somone was rather impressed by it..lol!

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SL camp tml.. i wonder how it will turn out. Months of planning.. many days of dry runs. I din really do lots of stuff.. lots of planning were done by the class leaders.
Hm.. looking forward to have some fun for the next 2 days. haha.

Then after dat go back RCCC work.
Money is secondary, or even tertiary.
Primary is to prevent myself from rotting at home sia. haha.
secondary is to gain more experience.

Hm.. read the newspaper, theres a report saying smt abt ppl dying in sleep.. hm.. interesting.

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If everything is what i think it is,
then i felt so cheated.

Haven lost sight of the island yet.
All i did was just no to look in tat direction
and i tot i had leave it behind.
i m just fooling myelf.

U may mean nothing to somone, but u actually mean everything to someone else.

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A well-known speaker started off his seminar by** *
holding up a $20.00 bill. In the room of 200, he asked,
"Who would like this $20 bill?"
Hands started going up.
He said, "I am going to give this $20 to one of you
but first, let me do this. *
He proceeded to crumple up the $20 dollar bill. *
He then asked, "Who still wants it?"
Still the hands were up in the air.
Well, he replied, "What if I do this?"
And he dropped it on the ground
and started to grind it into the floor with his shoe.
He picked it up, now crumpled and dirty.
"Now, who still wants it?"
Still the hands went into the air
My friends, we have all learned a very valuable lesson.
No matter what I did to the money, you still wanted it
because it did not decrease in value.
It was still worth $20. *
Many times in our lives,
we are dropped, crumpled, and ground into the dirt
by the decisions we make and
the circumstances that come our way.
We feel as though we are worthless.
But no matter what has happened or
what will happen, you will never lose your value.
Dirty or clean, crumpled or finely creased, *
you are still priceless to those who DO LOVE you. *
The worth of our lives comes not in what we do or who we know, *

but by WHO WE ARE.* *
You are special**
Don't EVER forget it.*

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I din mean to distrust u.. well.. sorry. Tats all i can say.
As for why i tot u did it on purpose.. its a long story.

i m just so confused now. So unsure of myself and everything. so fustrated.. so full of hatred.
"why is it like tat?" this qn is always in my mind.
Why do i care so much when i know i shdnt be doing so. i know its wrong.
why things cant just go right for once in my pathetic 17+ years of life.
why cant i leave sight of tat island and get lost in the ocean?
how long will i take.. how hard can i paddle to lose sight of it?
i tot i lost sight of it today.. but i was wrong, it was still there.

Horoscope for month of NOV:
November
The month of November finds you riding in the front car of an emotional roller coaster. The highs take you up above the clouds but the lows take you down into the depths of intense pain and sorrow. Keep in mind that the only way you can get off this ride without losing your lunch is by finding peace and stability within yourself.By the end of the month, you will be in a state of great bliss.

quite true.. the front part. As for the last sentence.. judging by the current shit i m in.. sorry.. i think its more like i m in great shit than great bliss. we shall see..

oh well.. ignore everything and the world will be a better place.
nv really placed my ultimate A.O.D in use huh? i know i need to use it now.. or else i m dead.

i m dead tired now.. just let me sleep and nv to wake up. spare me from another day of torment.

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rotting at home isnt fun at all.
Spend sometime infront of the comp learning some lame card tricks.
Some tricks are super dumb la..zzz.. wad put the deck behind ur back and do smt to it. Lame sia.. as if ppl wun suspect u r doing something..zzz.

Then played computer games.. and stone infront of the comp.
My life during the holz is so inetersting.

Aiya.. shdnt have played so much bball. Now i m really sick la. Din know standing under the sun for so long can get cough and flu. Tats not the worst sia.. the worst is i m feeling hot all over my body. Not exactly a fever i guess.. but just super heaty. The air i breathe out is like a dragon's fire breath la.. roar!

sian..
i wonder wads going on sia..
hey.. sorry sia.. i m a curious being.lol..

nvm..

have been feeling weird lately. DUnno why also.. tats the major prob sia. Theres smt weird going on in me but i dunno what or why? Stupid la.. sian.. pls get out of my mind.. out of my heart.
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i taught u all the ultimate A.O.D ytd.. but i cant apply it myself sia.. tats why i said.. hard to apply it.. haha. Sian..

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Time to set out in my raft and leave the island
i wonder if i can get thru the waves this time?
I m quite confident actually..
tat i wun be pushed back by waves
tat i can get out in the open sea.
The currents shall bring me to the next island
i will be drifting for a very long time.. i guess.

Went back to school again for a last dry run for SL. Played basketball like crazy after that.. under the hot afternoon sun.. its killing me. Super sunburnt.. having flu and fever now.. i guess. who will care anyway..

went to SimLimSq to sign up for job as a sales assistant for cybermind. Also dunno if can kena picked or not. 30nov-3rd dec.. EXPO, IT Fair i think. from 11am to 10pm.. pay= $50 per day+commission. Not too bad..

we were sitting in the shade talking abt stuff today. Got to know u better i guess. Indeed touching to know tat her happiness is all tat matters to you. I guess tats what love is all about.

Brains or heart?
Time is not right?
a perfect opportunity, yet u hesitated.
What else isnt right?
I would have gone for it.. if i were in ur shoes,
if i m not in this state.

Art of Detatchment: The Final Chapter: Ignore Everything!
This is the ultimate skill tat i will be teachin u today.. A.O.D is passed down from my grandmaster Daina.. today i shall pass it on to the next generation.

Ahem.. let me explain.
The title is self explainatory. Just dun care abt anything! Block out any feelings u have.. stop thinking of it! Distant urself from who ever it is.. or what ever it is.
This is the ultimate skill.. if u can learn this u will be free from emotional struggles!

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They were talking abt heart.
To follow ur heart or brain?
well.. i always follow my heart.. cos i dun have a brain.. what to do?
I will nv regret when i follow my heart.. even if it turns out to be something bad.

Abt tat qn.. to choose to walk a path that u know will have a bad ending or not to walk at all.
well.. i will choose to take the path. Forget about the cliff that is ahead.. enjoy the scenry while u can. Who knows what will happen next? Maybe it turns out not to be a cliff ahead.. but a nice road.
If we dun walk the path, we will never get to enjoy the beautiful scenry tat is there for us.
If we never try, we never know. Well.. i always believe in that.

lets go back to talk abt heart. I prefer to have no heart at all.. so i wun feel anything. Dun mind not feeling happy or delighted. Cos at the same time, i wun feel hurt or sad. Isnt that great? yes!
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everytime when i start to walk away and turn back one last time to see..
u will be in tears (not for me of course)
it makes me run back again,
wanting to dry those tears and make u smile..
wanting to protect u from all harm..

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Tired.. tired.
SL dry run is making me really exhausted. I m yawning like crazy now la.. and its only 9 20pm.. still have 2-3 hrs before my usual bedtime.
And i got sunburnt. Cos we were conducting the activities all outside. The sun was scorching down on us. So i will become darker.. haha.

Went to OPSS , JM's BB room to borrow stuff for SL and trudged to JM's hse to dump all the items before heading to cherky's hse for bridging.

ok.. i m so so tired. how ah? sian..

U said smt about.. looking innocent.. i guess it sort of reminded me not to judge a book by its cover. Its extremly dangerous to judge ppl from what the portray themselves to be like. This may not be the real them.
This sort of remind me to be more wary of people, open my eyes bigger, look clearer.

wasnt very pleased with smt today.. but nvm. i guess its my own prob.

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sian..
i guess only JM knows wad i m mean.
Ytd went to Cherky's hse to bridge. went to JM's hse to bridge today. Going whose hse to bridge tml? Having fun is what all i m thinking of now.. ok i m lying.

Ahem..
i dun like ur attitude.. rather than just sitting there and complain later.. why din u get ur butt off the ground and do smt abt the wad u called.. ineffective way of carrying out of activities. I believe that i m not the only one who felt so. Ok.. i KNOW that i m not the only one who felt so.. ppl isnt happy but they just diam diam.
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Its not as bad as u think it is.
I believe that things will work out in the end.. as it always does.
It will be a good ending.. trust me.
well.. i will always be here for u.
feel free to talk to me if u want.. i will gladly help out.. if i can.
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your words, sharp as a blade.. pierce my heart.. i m bleeding again.

if feelings can change so easily, i wun be suffering now. we all wun be suffering..

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Ytd..

went to bowling by myself. I tot i suck. Super inconsistent. No feel at all. How did i manage to average higher than usual. 148.8 pts. Not a good average, but its better than the usual 131.0pt.

hm.. suspecting that the lane is conditioned for high scoreing.

Nvm.. later went to ZX hse play. Haha.. around 17-19 ppl went?
Played cards the whole day la.. nvm.. i like it. Bridge and Dai tee :D:D

Everytime partner tys will lose de leh.. jiat sai la!!

Reach home at around 12 30.. haha.. fun :D
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aye! dun skip meals for nothing la!!
Bad for health sia!
Rmb to eat proper meals!!
take care of urself..

ytd, as we were walking back.
i told u i love the night scenry,
tats why i stroll instead of walked,
to enjoy the tranquility.

After we said good bye,
stroll became a walk, a run.

why wasnt i enjoying the night scenry?
I realised that i wasnt enjoying the night scenry just now,
i was enjoying walking beside u.

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Idiot..

Stupid la.. instructions for SL water games.. its quite easy to do, but for some reason i m super irritated. And u din pick my call!!! ARGH! Am i suppose to do on the Dog and Bone or not? ARGH!

I was quite disappointed. Then i asked myself why am i disappointed?
"why am i disappointed?"
The answer came to me straight away.. simple.
"cos i expect alittle too much"

sian.. expect too much in bowling sia.. wth la.

PPl get disappointed when their expectations are not met. So, rule number one: Do not have high expection.

I wonder why cant i type chinese in here. I mean..maybe i dun have the stupid chinese software inside the comp ba.

Darn.. i think i can express more of myself in chinese than in english.nvm.. who cares.

was at the music school today and there is this father and mother with their daughter asking one of the teachers stuff abt their daugther starting to learn piano. Well.. their daughther is 8 yr old.. and they asked if it is too late to start learning.

the reply was "nothing is too late"

sad to say, it wasnt really true. Some stuff are just too late.. too late.. too late..

back to learning piano at 8 yrs old. I think its not the best age to do so. It shd be around 4 or 5.

I came into contact with music when i was at around 4 or 5 yrs old. Some stupid playig with percussion instruments class in yamaha back then. Then went into organ and got into piano when i was 10. quite late too huh?

Now i m still playing piano la.. ashamed to say i suck.

no patience i guess.. after so many years still no patience. wth.

Watched wei xiao pasta today on youtube again today. It can only remain an ok drama la.. doesnt have the X factor to captivate me. Its definitely not addictive at all. The only nice thing abt the show is ZDL's Bei Ji Xing De Yan Lei.. thats the only nice thing abt the show.. tats all.
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i wonder if u r ok. why is ur nick so weird lately.. hm..

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Dom also going back to RCCC and he is bringing friends with him!! yay!!

I rmb one of the reasons that i went to work last year. It was to forget .. i wonder if it works this time..

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I will be occupied tml.. yay!

Morning go see doc, the go bowling and then go party@zx hse!!
At least no so sian tml.. haha.

Tonight have to chiong do instructions for 4 SL water games. Tat time heard that they say only got 4 students sign up for the Camp. Ahem.. we need at least 30 plus la.. so pathetic sia.

Watch Youtube till i sian liao la.. the only interesting vid on youtube are the bowling vids.. haha!

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